How does it make you feel when others assume they seem to know your character,
yet they never come to talk to you to find out the real you?
- You've just met, and they have already made up their mind that you will or won't get along.
- You've known each other for years, yet the rapport you have feels strained between you.
- You feel so connected to someone, yet it feels like you are the only one invested.
- Your supposed to represent a close rapport (family friend, work, community networks), but there is either a vibe of distance or over attentiveness, yet you haven't quite figured out why.
If it doesn't make sense, then there is probably a historical event or relationship that you are unaware of that might be driving the type of relationship between you.
! You might feel hurt, flattered, uncertain, wanting to know more about this mysterious person, or left feeling unsettled in how someone has judged you without taking the time to know you.
! We are all wired to judge the people and the world around us. It is a survival mechanism to keep us safe (fight, flight, freeze, fawn).
- They are safety instincts that kick in to avoid being attacked by a lion, yet sometimes our survival instincts become triggered when someone who seems familiar stirs up old memories and emotions.
Have you ever experienced the following life moments?
~ You wish to connect with someone, yet they keep you at a distance from them.
~ You are drawn to someone's energy, yet you can't figure out the reason as to why they feel so familiar or safe?
~ Someone acts very connected to you, but you don't feel quite as connected to them and can't work out why.
~ There is someone you've just met that you want to avoid yet don't even know where these feelings come from.
So why do we feel so strongly towards someone that we have just met?
During our lives we can all recall the very tough and very wonderful events, and the very tough and wonderful relationships.
We all experience gaps in our memory yet there is a release of emotions that you feel, yet you can't work out what memory they are linked to.
It is not uncommon to re-create unaddressed moments from our past. They sit within our psyche waiting for the day to be released. Over the years we collect so many memories and feelings. Our mind and body want to keep important memories and discard unhelpful ones in order to generate more space for 'what's coming next' in our lives.
When we hold onto old emotions, we become 'offline' to the present world happenings, we run out of room to learn new lessons, no room for new adventures or space to develop new tools for managing up-and-coming life challenges. Familiar routines may feel safe, however, by holding onto traumatising memories will gradually fatigue the body and mind.
Sometimes our past may have been a long time ago, yet the intensity has not faded, it can be taxing on the body. If we allow trauma to take control of us, it can become a painful and scary cycle to break.
Holding onto the past, may bring us comfort and familiarity, yet it can also bring a sense of stuckness. This is a time where we may re-invent our past story with the people we meet today. We either want to re-direct our pain toward this familiar person or hope this person can provide us with a sense of belonging and healing.
Did you know?
If we are experiencing a past, present or are creating a fantasy of how we wish our life to be, our brains don't always recognise the difference between what is real, and what is false. Our emotions act in 'real time' so our minds feel like what we are experiencing is actually happening 'right now'.
Even though certain people may re-trigger our past, we need to remind our brains of the difference between what is reality and what is historical.
It is an empowering tool to recognise the difference between past and present times, it may also provide you with the opportunity to move forward with your life, make clear minded decisions, give your hurts and yearnings a break so you have the time and energy to strengthen new and existing relationships into healthy ones.
If you feel that it is your time to start creating new life experiences, and you have grown tired of being stuck in old cycles, and need a bit of assistance with doing this, consider reaching out to Connect Counselling WA for brain storming sessions.
I'm Denise, my passion is to walk alongside you, 'just as you are'. Each session provides you with the opportunity to transform your therapy session into your life journey.
I provide online, in-person, and face-to-face sessions
through a Counselling and Psychotherapy lens.
I look forward to connecting with you!
0494 096 339
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